First World Problems

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a long and exhaustive radical-feminist monologue, where I will moan about gender inequality in society, and how men have suppressed women since the beginning of time. I love men despite them being the cause of all my sufferings, but never will you find me wanting to eliminate them from the world.

Call me old-fashioned or lazy, but whatever happened to those days where I would sit at home, cook, clean and think about screwing the gardener; at the same time my husband would go to work, earn money while thinking about screwing his secretary. Believe me when I say women had it easy back then. No, I don’t want to work for a living. I’d rather watch Charmed all day, write a book and draw random stuff on a piece of paper. Do you think Emmeline Pankhurst would have starved herself if she knew she would be working nine to five in Primark, pretending to want to help people with their petty enquiries, like finding the toilet, reassuring them they don’t need to lose weight and how they without a doubt; look tremendous in a size 22 bodycon dress!

The only reason Emma Watson is giving those incredibly insipid UN speeches is because she is trying to distract the public from the fact that she cannot actually act, therefore, cannot land a decent role again. So she’d rather do more “serious stuff” now because her last forehead-acting job did not quite cut it. Therefore, by using a little bit of Freudian analysis, we could suggest that she is trying to point the fingers at men, for her lack of success. Even though it was thanks to men and hormonal little pubic-less boys that she earned her stardom, for the beauty that she is, to compensate for her beastly acting. Let’s just say that without that face, she would be playing the beast. Diagnosis over!  In retrospect, I would like to raise the question: Emma Watson- Feminist or Opportunist?

It would be ignorant to say that male supremacy was not a huge problem, considering that; women didn’t have rights, power or freedom. Therefore, men gave women everything they asked for, however, women are still being inadvertently suppressed by our cunning patriarchs. Men have found a fresh and innovative method to suppress the new modern working woman. They continue to subdue women through their knowledge of our feeble flaw- our desire to look beautiful all the time.

Thus, we find ourselves constantly bombarded with selfies, supermodels, Instagram, Snapchat, reality TV stars, fashion and maquillage. Men have turned us into our worst nightmare. We have become self-absorbed, superficial and narcissistic maniacs. Our role models are the likes of Kylie Jenner, Kim Kardashian and Gigi Hadid. The amount of time I have heard a girl compare herself to Kin Kardashian and say how much of a role model she is to her, is absurd! It is wrong that we are turning to these crass and artificial celebrities for guidance and spiritual support. They are what I call the Modern Aphrodite- women who are worshipped for their beauty, lustful nature and carnal appetites. These people have no education, no endeavours and definitely no self-respect. They thrive on money, fame and their followers. They are encouraging young girls to act and behave in the most lecherous manner. It is shocking that some girls cannot even name 5 African countries but they can list all the different shades of lipstick manufactured by Mac Cosmetics.

Kylie Minogue replicating the image of Aphrodite/Venus in Andrea Botticelli’s ca. 1480 painting

The emergence of the Modern Aphrodite isn’t a coincidence; it’s occurring to throw women off-course. Men have equipped us with our own kryptonite to watch us fall. Instead of being constricted in the house, we are now confined to the camera lens. Maybe Medusa would be a more fitting comparison, since people turn into stone when they look at Medusa. Yes, people are indeed turning into cold, numb and mindless statues at a glance of our beloved celebrities.

As a result, women are being subjected to a new form of oppression that lies with the preoccupation of one’s own self. It is ironic how in the Renaissance the theory of Humanism emerged, placing man at the centre of the universe as well as making man the measure of all things. Not much has changed as you can see with the Modern Aphrodite. It’s strange how men used to be the only one objectifying women, now it’s also women objectifying themselves. It’s as if women have unknowingly locked themselves in their own prison. This is because they retain, what Friedrich Engels would classify as; ’false consciousness’. It is only by being self-aware of their exploitation, will the Modern Aphrodite be able to step out of the looking glass surrounding them.