For the Sake of the Selfie! – A Vanity Pretext

After the recent shocking news of Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy, I can’t help but think… is carrying a baby the latest fashion trend? It appears to be so in the ku-klux Kardashian Klan. Now it seems that everyone has this new accessory. I wonder… when Kim leaves her house, does she think to herself; “which should I take today? The baby or the handbag?” Take the photograph shown below for example, is Kim really showing her love and adoration for Mason or is she showing off her raunchy new orange bikini? There’s no doubt that sales in that style of bikini exploded through the roof after that photograph…and poor Mason being used as a pretext for her sheer selfish marketing scheme.

Kim orange bikini
Kim Kardashian with Mason

Many people tend to do this actually, and it’s becoming quite the trend. People of the First World would put in the caption of their selfie something innocent like” hot chocolate” but really they know they are trying to sell you something else; usually their self-admiration, in the form of snippets of their body. People would pretend the subject of the selfie is the “hot chocolate” but in fact, no one has really noticed the goddamn hot chocolate because we are all too busy looking at those slim pins that are conspicuously stealing the limelight! Very sneaky, my first world friends.

Hot Chocolate or Hot Legs?

The truth is, if you did caption the image as “my hot legs”, we would all label you as vain or arrogant, and no one wants to be considered in such a derogative light. No way Jose, every first world inhabitant has and must be seen as “respectable” and “dignified”. Come on, with all those charity fundraisers you’ve done, all those marathons you’ve ran, you even nearly shaved your hair off for Breast Cancer Research, didn’t you sell 5000 cupcakes for Children in Need?; Oh you were the one that signed the Amnesty International petition to end the death penalty weren’t you?, and last but not least, remember you were the one that stood in the middle of the lecture theatre in front of 200 people to give a lecture on sexism. Now, captioning your image with “my hot legs” would just destroy your wholesome image, wouldn’t it? Even though we all know your true narcissistic intentions.

leg hot chocolate

The reality of it is that we’ve all been captivated by the female figure since the beginning of time because, well,  our men were in control of our field of vision and mind since like forever! So our perception of the world and understanding of history is a bit bias and inclined towards the male perspective, you see.  For example, the female nude has always been the most popular genre in the history of art. All the way from Giorgione’s Sleeping Venus (1510) to Picasso’s Les Demoiselles D’Avignon (1907), the nude has always dominated the visual scene. We’ve even had to disguise the female body as goddesses and non-human beings to avoid promoting promiscuity in real women. We’ve gone as far as pixelating and dismantling the body just to avoid a moral panic, take Salvador Dali’s Female Bather (1928) for instant. Oh, how embarrassing, we are quite the porn addicts, aren’t we? We are always finding innovative ways to convey nudity; in particularly: the female body, which has and will always remain at the centre of our perverse mind, and it seem that to this day, we simply cannot stop thinking about it. Strange, huh?

Pablo Picasso's Les Demoiselles D'Avignon
Pablo Picasso’s Les Demoiselles D’Avignon (1907), Museum of Modern Art, New York

Nevertheless, you on the other hand, you are utterly ridiculous. Your body has nothing to do with those goddamn hot chocolate, so why include it in the shot? There might be a lack of food, water and electricity in the third world but there is definitely a shortage of self-dignity in the first world. Oh while we’re at it, next time you decide to write #PrayforVegas, do you actually carry out the physical act of praying for those victims? Or do you just say that on social media so that your followers think you’re a kind and good-hearted person? Sadly, yes- you are just an attention seeking, social media maniac.

Screenshot_20171024-215929
Guilt free showing off partially-naked body? [Tiffany Watson/ Instagram]
I’m going to finish off by leaving you something to dwell on in the next couple of days. Next time you do something extravagant, I want you to ask yourself…why are you REALLY going on holiday? Why did you REALLY buy that new car? Why did you REALLY go to that expensive restaurant? Why would you REALLY buy that outfit? Try to think about it thoroughly my fellow first world friend. The answer to all these questions is simple. You did all these things so that you can take a picture and shove it on social media just to prove that you live a happy life to your 986 “friends” on Facebook, the majority of those whom you haven’t met or haven’t spoken to since you left school. Are you REALLY trying to impress THESE insignificant people? Remember that you’re doing all this for the sake of the selfie! Tut-tut.

Toodles and keep, keeping it superficial guys!

 

*Disclaimer: Please note, this blog was created for informational purposes only. Any views or opinions stated in this blog are that of my own honest opinion mainly. Firstworld-problems.blog makes no representations as to the accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information of any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. Any names/ organisations mentioned are only used for informational purposes and not applied to defame, attack or discredit specific individuals and/ or organisations.*

 

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