What The F**k is that? -What is Art? Baby Don’t Hurt Me, Don’t Hurt Me, No More…-


I mean, I don’t even know what to say about the state of Contemporary Art anymore. What has it turned into? Can the public truly understand the meaning of Contemporary Art? Or are artists trying to make art excessively deep and overly perplexing that they are ending up getting confused themselves? Do you need to have studied art to understand art nowadays? There are so many questions I would like answered! In my opinion, Art is way too submerged in academic theories and psychological babbles that you are required to read a 100-page thesis, by some boarding school brat with a double-barrel forename, before stepping into Tate Modern.

Why do we feel the need to complicate the art discipline? Is it because the other disciplines have overtaken themselves and art felt intellectually inept in the 21st century? After mastering realism, where else could artists go from there? So artists decided to go backwards in their composition of form but forward in their reasoning. Art is a bit like an app updating itself every once in a while, it’s now Palaeolithic Cave Paintings 2.0 or Baby Scribbles (remastered). It can even be created by following Kanye West’s instructions in his songs, for example, the statue of the Venus de Milo reproduced by Zhu Cheng was made with panda excrement and can be recreated by listening to West’s “Scoop Di Whoop”, all you have to do is “poop di scoopty, poopy di scoop, scoop diddy whoop, whoop di scoop di (panda) poop!” So there you have it- poop, no! I mean…ART, of course!  Similarly, so can Gelitin’s exhibition of ‘Vorm, Fellows, Attitude’ in the Netherlands, which are ginormous sculptures of poop… or should I say sculptures of ‘art’, because evidently, the two words are now intertwined.

venus de milo panda
Zhu Cheng’s Venus de Milo replica using panda poop
Giant poop
Gelitin’s Vorm, Fellows and Attitude sculpture aka giant poop sculpture

Who’s the culprit behind this massacre? It all started when the American Expressionist painters started scribbling and dripping paint on paper after World War II, while painting single blocks of colours on large canvases, which were shockingly auctioned off for millions of dollars. Alright, at the time these sorts of paintings were unprecedented, so I can let that one go, however, no more can I visit an art gallery and witness paintings like these being displayed and acknowledged as ‘art’. It’s an abomination of art. It’s sadistic, like we have ripped into art’s body and all that are left are its exploded veins and tortured limbs that we are putting on show. Hey! That’s starting to sound a bit like the Real Bodies Exhibition, no?

real bodies
Real Bodies Exhibition

You know what, Art might as well not exist anymore! But even its lack of existence is still ART, oh! for god’s sake, I can’t win, just take a look at the Museum of Non-Visible Art in New York. You can go there to see, well… nothing. Apparently, ‘nothing’ has an aura or an “afterglow” as the representatives of the museum call it. I’m speechless…because yet again, that’s not ‘art’, that’s… fraud!

The Museum of Non-Visible Art in New York

I’m really starting to think that art just takes the piss sometimes…wait, what do I hear? Piss can be art? Yeah, just have a look at The Fountain (1917), an actual urinal by Marcel Duchamp or Piss Christ (1989), a crucifix dipped in its very own artist’s urine. I’m utterly flabbergasted!

piss christ
Piss Christ (1989)

Okay, next time you go into an art gallery, my Fellow First world inhabitants, and find yourself asking the question, “What the F**k is that?”, just nod and pretend you understand the meaning of the works displayed, also constantly say vague things like “it’s interesting because My Bed by Tracey Emin changes people’s perception of art” or “Ellsworth Kelly’s work is evocative because it allows the viewer to profoundly meditate on its ragged structure”.  It’ll make you seem like a real smartass in front of all the other equally baffled and pretentious nincompoops, who still go to see contemporary art works, because it supposedly reflects our contemporary society and culture. Maybe it does, maybe we are a nation of shit heads, piss heads and empty vessels…or maybe contemporary art is something only the rich can create to remind the poor they are so powerful that our pastime will be spent on working out what their shit means….

Yellow over Dark Blue 1964-5 by Ellsworth Kelly born 1923
Ellsworth kelly’s Blue and Yellow Blob thingy?
Tracey Emin’s ‘My Bed’



Now memes though…that’s my kind of art. A breath of fresh air, I must admit! 😀

y tho

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